skysha_tranqui: (Default)
I (tentatively) think I'm on track with this dissertation business now. Which is strange 'cause I haven't hit my word target either y*day or today. :s

I think that might be 'cause I didn't take into account the fact that 2,000 of my words would need to be wasted (a.k.a. waffle) on my intro & conclusion, and then another 2,000 for my science section.

So I've currently got over 6,000 words done (think it's just under 7,000), which is v.under my aim - meant to have about 8,500-9,000 done by end of today. However, I'm going to have to do a day in the library for my science section, ick! And then the intro & conclusion as I said are just waffle. Therefore, as long as I do get the whole science section done tomorrow I should be able to sort the rest of it out on thursday. I'll try to do a bit more later, on the current sections I've got...make it flow together a bit better. Then I think I'm going to email Amanda with what I've got for each section now & check if she's got any extra suggestions - still not sure if I should tell her I'm planning on finishing it end of this week, or if that will just scare her (though I'm the one who's bloody petrified!).

But given I've been working on and off all day (and actually properly working for once!) I think I deserve a break. Have only just had my lunch/dinner after snacking on peanut m&ms/Ritz crackers/&cookies all day, and even that I ate while reading through my notes to pull my dissertation together! :p

(was really nice though - I defrosted one of my chilli's overnight & had that with some broccoli thrown in & my ritz crackers to dip with XD)
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Sam is back. I feel trapped. 'Nuff said.
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Been and handed in my assessed essays today!! Thank god they're gone - went through them all one last time this morning & realised they were all crap, but decided the best way to deal was to run & hand them in before I got carried away and tried to re-write them all!

That's the good news of the day so far. Well, that and the fact that I just did a bakery run so am currently high on jam doughnuts & cookies dunked in tea. XD

I've already managed to have one bout of depression today though - that's just how talented I am! :p

Anyway, I saw Justine cycling out of uni today as I was walking up - we were on same side of road & she was just pulling out as I was turning in, so we were really close. Anyway, I was really happy to see her so I gave a massive grin, waved & said hiya (like a spaz). And in reply I got a half lifted hand and grunted hi, as she carried on cycling. :/

Well that upset me 'cause it hammers home exactly how estranged we are now - and I realised today that my behaviour can be traced psychologically to my parents' break-up & my fear of abandonment, which I tried to circumnavigate by trying to reduce my dependence on my friends. Hindsight's a vindictive bitch.

I carried on to my department though, did the hand-in, then saw Dymph on my way out. And I asked her how Justine was - said I'd seen her on my way in & she seemed a bit tired. Dymph didn't look up, just said "yeah, she's been swimming this morning & she's busy with CIS (I think that's what it is; her business course at any rate)". But for some reason it seemed a bit off to me; though that could be me over-analysing 'cause I know that something is wrong.

After I left Dymph I txt'd Justine, and said: "r u okay? u seemed a bit tired earlier. I'm trying to fini my dissertation this week, if I manage wud you be up for lunch or something at weekend?"

That was about 2 hours ago now & she still hasn't replied. And she never replied to the txt I sent about a week or so ago saying "hi, how r u? don't know how it happened but just realised we've barely spoken this term! hope you're not too stressed out with essays".

So me thinks she is well and truly pissed off at me. I don't want to ring her though - I'm crap at being blunt on the phone, & I think it'd take some proper blunt discussion to sort this out. But she's not replying to my txts, and she didn't reply to a group invite I issued on fb - so while I think she would show up to an event it's still a bit potluck-ey, and even if she did I don't think I could talk to her properly at one. Shit I'm such a fuck-up.

Oh & Happy B*Day [livejournal.com profile] aicha, we never talk now, but I think you're one of my longest-lasting friendships! Hope you have a great day!
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Screw it; I can't concentrate when I stress too much!

I'm giving myself afternoon off, then I'm going to the library for night. :p
(just found a jdrama about crime-fighting vampires; no way can I stay depressed in the face of that! Esp' when I think they may have a tomato-obsession...)
skysha_tranqui: (Cristina Regretful --> pic from everybod)
I'm so screwed!

Just got back from my meeting with my supervisor, and actually it wasn't too bad - didn't get told off for changing my mind (again), and she just read through my notes (which were basically bullet points of what I've written so far, but she probably took them as brainstorming), and then suggested some more books I should read.

She also warned me to make sure my project actually says something at the end of it, and that this matches my conclusion - apparently a few students last year crashed on their project essay because at the end it didn't match what they said they'd set out to study. :/ Good thing I haven't yet written my introduction!

What did strike me though, was that there is no physical way I can get this finished before I'm meant to be going home. I just don't think it's possible. Not if I want to get a good mark on it, which I really need now that I've given my assessed essays up for being crap.

And to top that off I walked in on Steph & Lianne talking about me in the kitchen when I got home.

I assume they were talking about me anyway; it was one of those moments where people go suspiciously silent once you walk in the room. I didn't even notice it to begin with, but then Steph asked me how my meeting went & when I just said there's no way I can finish it in time neither of them said anything. Plus, I'd bought some cereal and milk on my way home, and as I was turning around to put stuff away I kept seeing Steph looking towards Lianne, who hadn't even said hi to me.

Then, when I'd finished putting it away (which took oh-so long *sarcasm*) I was stood with my back to the fridge facing both of them (Lianne was stood by counter, eating, with her back to me; and Steph was sat at table eating grapes), but instead of starting a conversation they both ducked their heads down and started reading through the notes they each had with them. I waited a beat, took a glug of my drink, then left the room, and as soon as I left I heard the two of them start talking together.

And finally, the postman dropped off a letter just after I'd got in my room, I heard Steph say "oh it's for Sarah, sorry Lianne I know you wanted something". Then Lianne came upstairs saying bye to Steph, and then I'm not sure if Steph came upstairs or not, but one of them slid the letter under my door. Wtf?!

I am seriously confused. The only thing I can think of that they could have been bitching about me is to do with Sam. She's not back yet 'cause she got hit in the face by an emergency light or something - some big metal thing fell down & smacked her basically. And funnily enough I'm glad she's not back. Also funnily enough, I found it quite funny to hear that this had happened.

I found out on fb that it had happened (she tagged me on a note she'd written about it - letting people know the whole sorry affair), but I pretended I hadn't read the note 'cause there's no way I'm going to suddenly act all concerned about her when I think it's pretty clear I can't stand the girl anymore. So I just left it alone.

Then Sam rang the house to let us know why she wasn't back yet, and Steph told me. I asked all the usual questions, 'what?!', 'how?', 'what's a security light?', and it was fine.

A couple of days passed and she still wasn't back, and she rang again to let us know she was going to be back even later 'cause she's got a concussion. Steph told me after I'd come back from a day in the library, fair enough, but then Steph kept looking at me, so I chuckled.

Obviously I didn't mean it in a mean way, and I don't even find it funny - though the accident does sound ridiculous - but Steph knows how I feel about Sam, and she kept looking at me like she was expecting some gushing concern, or, laughter, and so I think that's why I sniggered.

I really think that's a natural reaction to that kind of news though - especially when you can't see the person so all you know about their injuries is what you've heard. And I think the only reason Steph and Lianne were so disapproving is 'cause they know that I don't like her, and so they construed it be more callous than I actually feel.

Sam's making it hard for me to feel sorry for her though; she's done another note on fb, and this time explicitly asks people to send her sympathy flowers, on the promise that it will grant them the title of BFF forever. Whoopee.

I'm not even sure that's what's wrong with Lianne & Steph, but it's all I can think of; and to be fair I think it's a reasonable assumption.

I really want to go home.
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Today hasn't been the best work day so far. Overslept a bit, then decided not to rush 'cause needed breakfast, so didn't get to the library 'til 9, got about an hour and half of work done (just hunting down some refs & started note-stripping a few books) and then they decided to do a fire drill. -_- So unimpressed; and they had history people doing their open exam in the library today, so the last thing they needed was to get booted out of the lib!

It didn't last very long thank god - half an hourish - and then I soon got back to my books. Did a few more hours of that, then had a phone call from my sister, which I muted & then I txt'd her. Her hamster's dying!!

My mum's gotten into the habit of letting him run about upstairs where there aren't any wires for him to chew, and apparently he's transferred his spiderman-inclinations (he loves going to top of his cage, then trying to hang off the edge) to the edge of the landing.

Anyway last night Katie was at the pub & mum got Bailey out for some exercise...and he fell off the landing all the way to the ground floor!

He's not dead, but the vet apparently thinks there's something wrong with his brain now 'cause he's not using his front legs at all. He's been given an anti-inflammatory to see if it's just a case of his brain being a bit swollen from the fall, or his legs being damaged a bit, but if he doesn't improve they're going to have to put him down. :(

After that I just couldn't concentrate very well, so I headed home at about 1, got my lunch going & chatted with Steph, then we watched Diagnosis Murder together.

Just came upstairs to start working, and then was going to go back to lib for more book-fun later, but I checked my emails & my supervisor had replied; wanting me to sign up to see her tomorrow or friday. So I went to uni & signed up (seeing her at 11:15 - eep!), then got home & was all sweaty so I had a quick shower & am just now sitting down properly to my essays again. I've decided against going to the lib again today; I've got plenty of books here & I think the trek there & back would be a waste of time; esp' 'cause I'd probably get annoyed with all the history exam people & head back early.

I'm at that horrible stage where I just don't want to write any more...especially 'cause I'm really scared what my supervisor's going to say tomorrow.

Wanted to get 1,500 done today, but I think I'll be lucky to get 500 at this rate. I just can't seem to do a combination of work, it seems like I either have to write the essay, or do the note-stripping...not both in one day! *sigh*

Right, I'm going to go flog my brain some more I think. :/
skysha_tranqui: (House and lolly --> pic by everybody_lie)
I'm having a bit of a flag today. Have been working full days for so long now I've forgotten what it feels like to have a day off! Y*day was meant to be my day to go through all my assessed essays and get them all edited & referenced. Well I was in the library from 10-5, didn't have a lunch break, got through them all...but there are still some parts where I couldn't find references, and the end of my h,m&m essay hasn't been written yet. :/

Got home last night, had tea, then tried to write my references up. Took me 3 hours to get one half done! :/ So I went to bed at about 10:30, got up at 7:30 today & got stuck in. Had a bit of a break at 10 when a letting agent came to look at the house, then went back to it. Finally had the references mostly done by 12ish (but there are a few where I can't find the origins of them, so I'll have to go to the library and trawl through the books), and then I spent the last hour staring at h,m&m & trying to write some more.

I can bash out a conclusion easily, but my problem is that I'm still 500 words done on the minimum part of the word limit - don't want to go searching for another point to bring into the main of the essay; would take ages to find, then write, then ref, then add to conclusion. But equally I don't think I can drag the conclusion out for another page.

So I've been looking over my project essay, and miraculously I ended last week only 500 words down on my target for the week! :)

I emailed my supervisor my new idea on sunday, but she hasn't gotten back to me about it yet which is worrying.

So I figure I should probably do at least the extra 500 today. I'm already going to be running over into next week at this rate, unless I miraculously pull 3,000 word out of the bag by thursday (which would be 500 more than I was at that time last week). Hmm...might be doable with 2 full days in the library (it's open from 8:30am to 12am again now).

Think I'm going to aim for that. Today will do extra 500, maybe structure my sections a bit better. Ooh, and I'm going to make tons of chilli & freeze about 3 portions of the stuff!

Gonna just leave h,m&m for now I think. I really can't be arsed with the library today, so might as well take it along with me when I go in for a full day tomorrow & then I can check all the dodgy references I found today as well. Joy.
skysha_tranqui: (X-Files Headdesk --> pic by spacemonkeym)
I'm not sure how my dissertation's going right now. I still haven't done the essay plan for my supervisor yet. Instead I'm aiming to have gone through all the sections for my dissertation and done half of the work for all of them by the end of this week, then email her an essay plan, and then next week go through the essay again & complete each section, bearing in mind any feedback I get from her. (providing her feedback isn't that I need to abandon the idea!)

I doubt I'm doing enough work - I mean, c'mon, I haven't started writing yet today! - but I don't think I'm doing too badly. I've got 2 sections almost half done, and a bit of the introduction written.

At the moment I'm figuring on 4 pages per section, 2 per introduction/conclusion. That'll bulk up once I've done the 1.5 line spacing bit, but it should work out without at about 500 words/page.

So I've done about half a page of introduction, 2 1/2 pages section one, and 1 page of section two. I'm at just over 2,000 words so far.

Got another 3,000 words to go before I'm done for the week. So today I'm aiming for about 1,500 today.

I'm a bit stressed with other things than my dissertation though, which is making it harder to concentrate than normal ('cause normally I'm oh-so good at that! *snorts*). I think one of my uni friends has stopped being friends with me...and I'm not sure how that happened. :(

I'm talking about Justine, who I was really close with in 1st year, and while I saw less of her in 2nd year we were still close, and went to the gym together, and I was always at her house scrounging for food. But this last year I've barely seen her at all. I figured it was mostly due to her not doing any of the same modules as me, but when I did see her it felt awkward. Primarily 'cause I wanted to see her on my own so we could properly catch up, but I didn't want to hog her attention if we were in a group. And also she had Dymph living with her this year too. I love Dymph, but it became a case of if I invited Justine somewhere she'd automatically assume it was an invite for the both of them. :/

I did see her a few times; 1 meal out I arranged, a few lunches on campus with the group, Steph's b*day. But we didn't do our normal catch-up thing, and now she's ignoring my txts. :/

Don't quite know what to do - I think she's p'd off with me 'cause there were a few parties I backed out of (New Year's Eve, and a random slumber party last term). But I backed out of them 'cause they turned into Dymph's parties - love Dymph, but I don't like all her friends that much. They're quite cliquey, and they all belong to the same society at uni, so even though they're all really nice they all have tons of in-jokes and tend to exclude you even if they don't mean to. 'Cause they literally are Dymph's friends, and even if they're nice, they don't quite put in the same effort to have a conversation with you as they do with Dymph. Understandable, but not something I particular want to overly hang out with. And when it's a party like a slumber party, that can be either an intimate-friends-chill-out thing, or it can be a getting-to-know-everyone thing...but with that lot I know I'm close enough to them for the former, and I can't see them doing the latter.

Anyway, it probably came across as me not wanting to see Justine - but I'm not sure how to say "oh I want to see you, I just don't like seeing all Dymph's friends", without sounding like a total cow.

So there goes another friendship I've fucked up! I just don't deserve to have friends, I always act like a bitch somehow!

That's one of the stressors - I'm also beginning to feel really guilty about leaving uni so early. I'm going to have basically one week to see people in, and I'll be finishing off my dissertation/broke, and they'll have their own work, so it's not like I can do tons of goodbye-parties. And I'm also not planning on coming back for the graduation ball, which I'm dreading having to tell people 'cause I think they'll think I'm being a spoilsport.

I haven't really enjoyed the 2 balls I've been to in the past though, and while it would be nice to see everyone, it's just too expensive for that one goal.

*sigh* Enough with the worrying, and recriminations, I need to go start my work for the day.
skysha_tranqui: (Veronica Mars Oopsie --> pic by agent00)
I tentatively had my dissertation idea. :)

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about it, 'cause I still haven't done a full essay plan for it, and I also haven't emailed my supervisor, so she could still say I can't do it.

Didn't stop me from having hysterics last night when I came up with the idea!

I ran downstairs and barged in on Steph to tell her my idea & do a happy dance, and then she completely crashed my mood by telling me she only has 18 days to finish her dissertation in...and given how early I'm trying to get mine done by I have even less than that - and she's been doing her dissertation since last summer! :/ So not quite sure how I'm going to get it all done in 2 weeks, but I really need to!

Anyway, my idea is....

Sociology as a discipline, and how some areas are harder to study than others - i.e. why in some areas it is harder to get theories and work accepted by academic peers.

It sounds massive, and v.random, but I spent y*day reading about stupid science, and how it's being suggested by people who study science that the discipline needs to move away from the traditional view of SCIENCE (i.e. objective, detached) towards RESEARCH (i.e. connected and curious) - and then it hit me that most of the problems I've been writing about in my other modules, are due to the fact that the research isn't considered scientific enough. Which for a 'social science' is plain ridiculous!

It's always seemed to me that the strength of sociology is that it's not afraid to postulate theories as to why something is the way it is, and yet in anomalous human experiences, consciousness, and humans & other animals (and probably other areas too, but these are the ones I've done), the academics almost seem afraid to do this.

So I've got my main idea - which is that in certain areas of sociology there is driving desire for a rigorous scientific method. And I've even got a potential idea as to why that is; the 3 areas I'm looking at all seem similar in that they're focused on very individual and personal phenomena.

With anomalous experiences the struggle there has been to determine both the worth of a person's statement (quite hard, given the generally accepted notion that even if they are 'telling the truth' it is equally possible that they have been misled themselves), and subsequently how to study something which can only really be experienced by one person.

Consciousness follows on from this almost, as it deals with an individual's state of being; their awareness of being aware, and what this can tell us about our experience of being human. Again though, this is dealing with things which are intrinsically tied to the individual, and forms of study for this area basically revolve around asking the individual to analyse their own mental state and functions.

Animals are mainly being studied with a view as to whether or not they are deserving of status in the 'moral community' - a question which depends on precisely how different their thoughts and ability to feel emotions/pain, differ from humans. Here the problem is two-fold, as we cannot know how an animal thinks, but equally what is assumed is that humans all think & feel the same.


Anyway, that's just briefly why I've chosen those 3 to study, and it's still a bit wishy-washy right now.

Today the plan is to do a full essay plan, and see if I can start reading based on the books I've got here at the mo. I want to get my plan emailed to my supervisor today, but equally I don't want to email her anything until it's fully fleshed-out. I don't want her to dismiss it because it's a crappy plan.

So ideally I'll have done a good overall plan, and then outlined the first chapter in detail - a.k.a. started writing it.

Right! Off to work I guess.
skysha_tranqui: (Cristina Regretful --> pic from everybod)
Hmm...it's not going so well today. I've decided my dissertation is going to be called crab-monster from here on.

It doesn't have anything to do with crabs, but I'm having real trouble pinning down precisely what it is going to be about. Not good given I've just realised I ideally need to have it finished in 2 weeks, not 3, 'cause then I can see my supervisor and have it all - literally - mapped out ('cause it'll already be written), so the fact that I'm going home early won't lead to missed supervisor-time, and won't affect my mark. :/

I've spent all day trying to figure out what I'm going to do it on though (well, since 11 - I went out for some milk - and I've had about 3 half hour breaks).

My ideas have already gone through 3 'official' incarnations - so first thing I did today was go over what they all were, and see if I could spot common features, which could potentially all add up to one dissertation. All I got from that was the knowledge that my 3rd idea had pretty much done all that, and my supervisor had shot that down as being too big to cover.

So then I tried to see how it could be simplified, but all I could really figure out was that I didn't want to go into much detail on science, or on technology - I want to focus on the more module-oriented stuff, like anomalies, animals, consciousness, & media. But I have to focus at least a bit on science, because my supervisor pointed out that quite a bit of what I was theorising off-hand was covered in the Science & Society module that the year below me is doing.

So today I actually started ploughing through the two books she recced I read about it. I had to give up on the first one because I just didn't see how it was relevant to what I was trying to think about, and it was really hard to read...so basically I couldn't be arsed to try and understand it when it didn't look like it would even be useful! The second one was more easy going, but while I've got a few good points from it, and think I can use it in my dissertation, I don't think I could or would want to make it into a big part of the essay.

So now I'm back at the beginning basically!

I have lots of small bits and pieces I want to bring in...but I have no large over-riding question that I'm trying to answer. And I need a large, over-riding, question to give my dissertation a direction and something to structure it around.

I've just been going through the marks for the assessed essays I did last year, and what I've got from that is that I do my best essay writing when, a)I have an opinion about the topic/question, and b)when I'm studying other theories (particularly ones which I struggle with - for some reason those essays come out better than ones I understand; perhaps 'cause they force me to put more work & effort in...?).

But right now the only 'opinion' I can come up with, is that society is stupid & contradictory.

I can probably apply that to sociological theories - 'cause on the whole they're stupid and contradictory too...and if they're not, then the criticisms and 'contradicting' theories that come after them are. But it's still not something I feel confident about writing a dissertation on. :(

It's got to be something hard enough to force me to pull out all the stops just so I understand it, but it's got to be something I can conceptualise to begin with!

I tried to think up some random questions, which I think would possibly exist if there was a module on my vague ideas - just so I could toss about ideas for the direction of the dissertation - but all I came up with was the word 'science'...

*growls and bangs head on desk*

I do believe this is worse than when I had to come up with an original conversational phenomenon to study!

Think I'm going to go downstairs, get another cup of tea, groan to the other two, and then get back to pulling my hair out.
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
2 cups of coffee at 4:30am do funny things to my brain! Once cup of coffee makes me feel high, and 2 cups of coffee makes me so high I don't even notice I'm high for hours...and then I feel sick. :/

I have no self-restraint though; it just tastes too good!

So yeah, work went by in a coffee-induced state of happiness (also compounded by fact that on my way to work I bumped into 2 people I know - 1 was a really old school friend, who did a drunken catch-up with me, which involved 3 hugs and 2 high-fives; and the 2nd was a uni friend who I also bumped into last week).

Was a bit concerned/p'ed-off/stumped by the fact that the crappy note I left my new boss y*day had been crumpled and left on the side. He hadn't put it in the tied bin bag in front of the counter, but he had scrunched it up with some forms from a delivery - I think they were tallies of how many sandwiches had been returned from the garages from friday. But he hadn't left a note in reply or anything, so I'm not sure if he thought my note was stupid (like it was), thought it was superfluous, or just doesn't care enough to make some form of contact. Which is really frustrating 'cause I don't know if I need to contact him about the fact that I've handed in my notice. I mean, Chris should have told him, in which case the lack of concern over meeting me makes sense 'cause I'm technically working out my notice right now. But I'm not sure if Chris did tell him; I did write in the book when the last week I could work was, and put 'SARAH'S LAST SHIFT', but I don't know if he'll have checked it & I'm all conflicted.

As can probably tell by the crapness of y*day's note, I have no idea how to communicate in notes, or txts, or via phone or email - don't know if I'm just too blunt, or don't use enough small hand or something, but I always think whatever I've put sounds idiotic. And given the fact that this is quitting I'm trying to talk to him about...and he probably already knows anyway, I'm really hesitant to try to bring it up. :s

I know I had a whole schedule to stick to today, but with all the coffee, E4, and, well...me! I've just pretty much had the day off instead. Lianne's just got home now too, so she's moving all her stuff back in with her parents' help.

Still, I'm going to move on to my dissertation tomorrow, and then I've got another 2 weeks before the hand-in deadline, so I'm going to do what I meant to do today the friday before. I was already thinking in my head that I'd be going over it again anyway, but maybe this way it'll be easier for me to just print it off and hand it in? I seem to be having some kind of empty-nest syndrome for these essays...just don't want to finish them.

At least this way I won't be cutting into my dissertation time any more than I already have. :/
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
I didn't do as well as I wanted today - had worked it so I'd come back from work, then do 2 hours on humans & other animals, then 2 hours on health, medicine and media, then 2 hours on anomalous human experiences, and then 1 hour showering and eating before going to bed. I've managed about half that amount!

I printed off the current copies last night, and I've basically just gone over each of them. Really I need a whole day to just bash away at all 3 until I'm satisfied - figured if I split it carefully I could get it done this weekend despite being at work, but I'm too tired to carry on. So I was figuring I'd go to the library tomorrow after work, instead of doing what I did today, and just do them all. But, turns out the library is closed tomorrow. :/ So helpful! Which means I'll have to work at home again, and just keep ploughing through, and then in the week do a massive references search.

Also, my boss gave me a cheque this week instead of my normal cash, and I didn't realise 'til just now that the bank's closed tomorrow too...so I'm going to be without any money for a week! Luckily I have food in the freezer that I've been meaning to work my way through.

Ooh, that reminds me! I've got a new boss now, Chris has officially handed the shop over to the guy who bought it from him, and this weekend was his first time picking up the sandwiches for delivery from me. But I finished early, as always ('cause I arrive early), and Chris had txt'd me to see if I was doing okay, and he said I shouldn't bother waiting for the new guy 'cause he's not as much of an early person as Chris (i.e. I'd still be there at lunch time if I did). So I left him a note instead, saying; Good Morning, sorry I didn't catch you today, I've put all the sandwiches in the big fridge and you'll need to buy some more of the big washing up liquid soon :) Have a nice weekend, Sarah.

It's crap I know!! I just didn't know what to write to some boss I've never met, but thought it would be rude if I didn't make some kind of acknowledgement of him. :s

Anyway, I'll see tomorrow if he's left a response or not...
skysha_tranqui: (House This Is God --> pic by spookygal_i)
Okay I am officially behind schedule now!

Didn't manage to get past my essay-block at all y*day, and spent most of my day just staring at the Word document hoping it would type itself.

Then I had a bit of a scare 'cause Word crashed. It realised it was crashing and tried to autosave what it could, but then it crashed in the middle of that. So I was a bit worried I'd lost the entire essay, but I yanked out the USB, closed down Word, and when I re-opened everything my essay was fine. So it's probably a good thing I hadn't written anything new, 'cause I'd've lost that, and I think the frustration of it would probably have killed me!

Today I am turning to food for comfort and making Taco Soup tonight. I'm always a bit wary of leftovers, so I'm cooking it for me & Steph & she's contributing the tomato-ey stuff and the kidney beans.

This week I meant to start reading for my dissertation - me being optimistic about my own work-ability again - but as you can probably tell I haven't gotten started yet. And given the fact that I'm now behind on my schedule I think I'm going to ignore the dissertation completely for now, cram in these two essays this week (somehow), and then take 2 days at the beginning of next week to read and write my dissertation plan. Even if it's not fully formed after that I'll need to start on some chapters. My normal pattern for writing is to do as many ideas as I can think of around the essay question, then I'll go back and properly link them to the question and try to get a flow going throughout the essay, and then I'll go back again, refine it all & reference it. If I can't find a useful reference for something then I re-work it so that parts cut out, or re-worded so it's speculatory and doesn't need a ref. So even if I don't have my dissertation question completely sorted after 2 days I can still start writing around the topic in general.

Anyway, today I'm going to write as much as I can on this essay, and even if it's not finished I'm going to close it at 4pm, do the library swap, pick up some ingredients for dinner, make dinner, and then open up H&OA and see how much work needs doing on it.

Now let's see how disciplined I can force myself to be!
skysha_tranqui: (Cristina Regretful --> pic from everybod)
*wilts*

Definitely not going to achieve the swap-over today. If I'm extremely lucky & suddenly get inspired/motivated again I might get it roughly finished if I do a late-nighter, but right now? Not so much.

I'm still stuck on what to write, and while I managed to delete a couple of bits and fix something I wasn't liking y*day I've spent most of the day just reading fanfic/vapidly staring into space. :/

Managed to sleep through 5 songs on my CD alarm clock this morning before realising the damn thing was meant to be waking me up. Then I snoozed it, and then I turned it off without waking up when the snooze ran out, and then I finally woke up at 8:30ish of my own accord! This is better than y*day though, and I'm also impressed that the first thing I did was open my laptop and my essay. However I also checked my emails, did some general surfing, and found it as hard as normal to knuckle down.

It's ridiculous though; I can't concentrate in the morning, and I can't concentrate after 8pm, which leaves me with precisely 7 hours in the day to work with...and 2 of those get snapped up with meals, and then at least 1 more gets eaten by laziness and distraction. :s

As long as I get the essay written before tomorrow I'm still on track - will just mean I have to go to the library early tomorrow. But I'm not enjoying this massive essay-block I've got going on.

Can't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but Lianne's due back up this weekend (think on sunday), so I really want to have my assessed essays out of the way by then. I get so distracted just by Steph, and I hardly see her, so I'm dreading Lianne of the loud music re-appearing on my floor.

Can't believe I've got 3 more weeks of this intensive essay writing shit; I need a week off or something but I can't afford to if I'm going to stick to my deadlines...argh! *has meltdown*
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Haven't succeeded! :(

I got a complete mental block and gave up about 2 hours ago - then I made some cookies & just ate half the batch while watching the most ridiculous film ever!

I'm not going to say what film it was & give it away, but I will say why it was so ridiculous...

here be mad plot-ness )

This kind of ridiculous was the whole way through, and yet I still managed to cry my eyes out! *rolls eyes at self*

Anyway, gonna get an early start tomorrow & now I'm aiming to have the essay done by afternoon (5pm at latest). I don't mind if I haven't got everything ref'd neatly or done final edits, 'cause I'm planning on doing that to all 3 nearer the hand-in deadline. I just really want to get this one shoveled aside so I can tackle the harder H&OA, which I really need to have done by end of the week. So, yeah, tomorrow is finishing this one (I'm about 1/3 or 1/2 way through at mo & I only got myself working at 1pm), and getting to the library before it shuts at 6 so I can swap my books!
skysha_tranqui: (Serenity Sanity Is Relative --> pic by m)
Okay, trying to do H,M&M in one day is perhaps a bit optimistic of me, but by george I'm giving it my best shot!

Really, aside from the general unfeasability of it it's not going too badly.

I mean, sure, I've confused the hell out of myself by doing 4 dimensions to the essay question, but on the other hand it seems smart. Have just printed out my working introduction so I can try to keep the different dimensions straight in my head as I type, and now that the printer's stopped chugging I'm going back to the essay!
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Think I've managed to upset Steph. Was at work this morning, and then stayed on an extra 3 hours helping Chris clean the entire store (for extra money of course), and then I had to go shopping for my mum*s b*day, plus two friends, and go do some food shopping on my way home. Oh yeah, and I also had to go to the bank. So I didn't get back 'til 12:30ish.

Anyway, a woman wanted to look at the house this morning & I asked Steph if she could do the guide-ey bit (estate agents were too busy to do it like they normally do, and I was going to be at work), and she said sure.

But when I got home from work she was all hyped up on cold medicine and took it upon herself to recount all the comments they'd made on the house, and then she went on to put herself in the other person's shoes & started commenting on the good qualities of the house herself. And I was in grunt mode.

Still, that didn't seem to phase her much, and I carried on putting my groceries away, but then it came to the minced lamb.

So there I am with my two plastic bags, trying to split the stuff in half & it's being awkward. Steph comes over to help, and starts holding the bag open for me, and stuffing some of the mince in when it escaped. And then she tried to show me how I could do it easier - turning bag inside out and putting my hand inside, then just picking up the mince & reversing the bag.

All really nice, and perfectly reasonable things for her to do. But she's got a cold!!! And she didn't wash her hands before coming over and fondling my meat, and knowing what she's like when she's ill I just know she's been coughing and sneezing into her hands all morning! -_-

So I told her not to touch the meat 'cause I knew how I wanted to divide it & she muddling it up, and the I batted her hands away from the bags - I did it playfully even!! - and she finally got in a huff about my behaviour and walked out the kitchen, saying "god, you're so touchy today!". I know she was def a bit upset, 'cause when I went into her room a min later she was doing some brilliant blank-faced, monosyllabic responses.

Feel a bit bad, but I don't see how I could've protected the meat otherwise - she's already contaminated the ice-cream, I'm going to be damned if I let her germs keep me away from my mince too!

I intended to launch into my H,M&M essay today - already printed off what I've already done y*day and went over it; looks like I've got 6 pages of useable stuff, only another 6 to go! I'm really physically tired though, my boss had me doing squats all morning. Cupboards, skirting boards, doors...at one point I even spent half an hour crouched under a counter scrubbing at the back board running the length of the till & coffee machine station. :/ So even though it was only 3 hours extra work, I feel like I used to after one of my Hartleys & Starbucks work days. :/ So, yeah, having trouble doing more than just going to sleep at the mo!lol

I was going to let myself have the weekend off, so I guess if I make friday & saturday my days off, that's okay. I tend to stay up uber late on sunday so my early nights on fri & sat don't carry on into the week, so even if I can't bring myself to do essay work as soon as I get home, I have enough time to talk myself 'round. :)
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
I carried on working 'til 12 last night, and I think I've tentatively finished that essay. Only problem is it's mediocre at best. :s

It still needs some last min bashing in places, and a few more references found though, so maybe I'll turn it into something magnificent last minute. Today though, as planned, I'm switching my books!! XD Am so geekily excited by this!

Library doesn't open 'til 10, so I've got about half an hour before I need to set off - am gonna go wash up, and possibly pop to co-op and stock up on milk.
skysha_tranqui: (X-Files Headdesk --> pic by spacemonkeym)
I'm just onto page 10, it's taken me 2 hours to get through page 9, and that was in more order than this one. :(

Absolutely have to finish this essay tonight though, so I'm determined not to go to bed 'til it's done.

Think I'm going to do my health, medicine and media essay next - it's the best out of the two I've got left, so I'm hoping it won't take as long, and I'll be able to catch some time up on it. Also need to start my dissertation reading; from sound of it everyone's on the ball with theirs & I still don't know if I can do this topic...still don't have my question properly formulated! :/

So end of next week I need to have got my dissertation question sorted, so I think I'll spend my evenings mornings doing reading for it, and then on friday I can form the essay and the structure. And I also want to have H,M&M essay done, and Humans & Other Animals at least started on. *wilts*

I'm really glad Steph's the only other housemate home right now though - she's got even more work on than me & she's properly slogging away every day, which makes nice & distraction-less for us both.

Really, really, can't wait for work at the weekend - it's going to be knackering, but I can't wait for a break from all this essaying & a chance to get out the house!

I'm going to the lib tomorrow to do my book swap over, and it'll be interesting to see how jelly-esque my legs are!

Anyway, more essaying now.
skysha_tranqui: (Cristina Regretful --> pic from everybod)
Feeling unworky again today. Think I'll focus on compiling a list of books to get for my other essays tomorrow, and then force myself to knuckle down on actual essay writing this afternoon.

I'm still worried about the amount of info I've got on these two hypotheses. I'm basically only using 2 people's work for them; one guy's written a book, but the other guy has only written one paper. Would really like other instances of the hypotheses being used, or at least being referred to, but these two were the only ones I could find in the reading list we got with our module handouts. :/

So far I have about 10 books I'm using for this essay, but I think when I do my book change-over on friday I'm also going to properly sit down in the stacks and ransack all the books on the relevant shelf - any quotes which look promising I'm just going to copy down, and then see if I can fit them in somewhere.

Spoke to the nurse-woman earlier and she wasn't as nice as the one who gave me the jabs before - when I said I'd have to wait 'til may to get them done 'cause I'm still at uni she started going on about how I should just get them done at uni; kept interrupting me as I tried to tell her I didn't want to get them done at uni, and repeated about 3 times that I should go to the uni Doctor's, and how it's identical.

Okay, I'm sure the jabs would be identical, but the uni Doctors are horrible people who withhold test results if you question their judgement, and who make the jabs as expensive as possible.

In the end I just said to her, 'I really don't like the uni Doctors and I wanted to get all my jabs done at home', and she just subsided and said 'well okay, but you need to make an appointment nearer the time, and it'll take about 4 days or so to get the jabs in stock'. How hard was that?!

I've just tried to book my train tickets to York, for my essay deadline, but for some reason it decided to withhold the tickets as I was about to pay for them. Said they were no longer available. :s

That's not too bad I guess, 'cause I'm still not sure how long I can afford to be back for. I was going to come up for a week, so I could go out with uni friends once all our work's over, but realised I'd also have to get food in the house, and unless I wanted to be bored out of my brain I'd also have to bring some books or my laptop back with me 'cause by then all my belongings will be back home (and seems a waste of energy to bring all that stuff with me). So instead I'm thinking of coming up 2 days before our deadline or something - the first day I'd arrive late afternoon, and then I could coax my friends into doing something the next day; providing they aren't all having a last minute panic. And if they were then I could try to do something in the morning of our deadline - the essay's aren't due in 'til 4pm, so I was thinking I could drag them out for lunch, and then I could catch a train home after handing my work in.

Of course the only problem with all of that is that I'll be money-less by that point, having quit my job in May, and most of my plans to meet people seem to involve going out for food. So yeah, I'm still unsure how long I can afford to stay in York for.

Ugh, really don't want to do more work...
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