Mar. 14th, 2008

skysha_tranqui: (Cristina Regretful --> pic from everybod)
Well I've been minus classes for 2 days now (today's 3rd), and while I did get work done on the first day, y*day I had another depressive-job-oriented meltdown. This entailed doing zero work, going stir crazy and jumping house...only to have no-where to go, 'cause despite their oh-so-sincere offer of their house always being available for me, yani&co were all out - again. So I did a round walk, nearly got run over, and came home. Where I again did no work, but drowned my depression in Gossip Girl eps.

And then in evening I rang my mum and started crying. :/

Feel like such a selfish cow, but I really wish I wasn't going travelling now. As I said to mum last night, I'd rather stay here & work out a future which will allow me the freedom to go travelling, than go jetting off & try to cram as much travelling in as I can before coming back and chaining myself to a job I hate because I'll be flat broke.

Obv I can't back out now - we've got the tickets booked & paid for. But it feels rather empty; going to these places for the sake of it, and not because I especially want to go. The places I wanted to visit in particular are the ones we're spending the least time in. And I just think I'm going to go a bit insane about not getting anything lined up for when I get back.

Mum told me off & said I should be more 'glass half-full', but that's really hard when it feels like I've just wasted 3 years of my life and graduation is when I jump into the money-sucking blackhole of life.

Sorry, my journal isn't exactly a barrel of laughs...ever! It's just remarkably true that you always note the negative things more easily than the positive. Besides which, I reckon (&am hoping) that these past few years will be the hardest of my life, so they're entitled to be angst-ridden, whiny, monologues. :p

Today I'm actually feeling more positive than y*day though - despite all the self-pitying drivel - and while I'm still not motivated enough to do proper work I have managed to do a bit of reading for it. I'm sure by monday I'll be back to normal emotional levels, and even if not I still plan on locking myself in the library.

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Sarah

April 2008

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