Apr. 28th, 2008

skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Been and handed in my assessed essays today!! Thank god they're gone - went through them all one last time this morning & realised they were all crap, but decided the best way to deal was to run & hand them in before I got carried away and tried to re-write them all!

That's the good news of the day so far. Well, that and the fact that I just did a bakery run so am currently high on jam doughnuts & cookies dunked in tea. XD

I've already managed to have one bout of depression today though - that's just how talented I am! :p

Anyway, I saw Justine cycling out of uni today as I was walking up - we were on same side of road & she was just pulling out as I was turning in, so we were really close. Anyway, I was really happy to see her so I gave a massive grin, waved & said hiya (like a spaz). And in reply I got a half lifted hand and grunted hi, as she carried on cycling. :/

Well that upset me 'cause it hammers home exactly how estranged we are now - and I realised today that my behaviour can be traced psychologically to my parents' break-up & my fear of abandonment, which I tried to circumnavigate by trying to reduce my dependence on my friends. Hindsight's a vindictive bitch.

I carried on to my department though, did the hand-in, then saw Dymph on my way out. And I asked her how Justine was - said I'd seen her on my way in & she seemed a bit tired. Dymph didn't look up, just said "yeah, she's been swimming this morning & she's busy with CIS (I think that's what it is; her business course at any rate)". But for some reason it seemed a bit off to me; though that could be me over-analysing 'cause I know that something is wrong.

After I left Dymph I txt'd Justine, and said: "r u okay? u seemed a bit tired earlier. I'm trying to fini my dissertation this week, if I manage wud you be up for lunch or something at weekend?"

That was about 2 hours ago now & she still hasn't replied. And she never replied to the txt I sent about a week or so ago saying "hi, how r u? don't know how it happened but just realised we've barely spoken this term! hope you're not too stressed out with essays".

So me thinks she is well and truly pissed off at me. I don't want to ring her though - I'm crap at being blunt on the phone, & I think it'd take some proper blunt discussion to sort this out. But she's not replying to my txts, and she didn't reply to a group invite I issued on fb - so while I think she would show up to an event it's still a bit potluck-ey, and even if she did I don't think I could talk to her properly at one. Shit I'm such a fuck-up.

Oh & Happy B*Day [livejournal.com profile] aicha, we never talk now, but I think you're one of my longest-lasting friendships! Hope you have a great day!
skysha_tranqui: (Default)
Sam is back. I feel trapped. 'Nuff said.

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Sarah

April 2008

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