Aug. 31st, 2007

skysha_tranqui: (X-Files Headdesk --> pic by spacemonkeym)
This morning was so stressful.

I got up a bit earlier today 'cause I had such trouble making the effort to get in to work on time I knew I'd have to factor in my own reluctance this morning. So set my alarm for 2, then snoozed it a few times and dragged myself out of bed at 2:15. :/

Made it in by 3:30, and after the bread had been delivered I got started on the sandwiches before Jane arrived. Which is basically the opposite of y*day.

Soon as she got in she jokingly said "oh it was much neater y*day when I was doing it". And that kind of set the tone for the morning.

Just seemed like everything I did was wrong in her eyes - and while normally I'm glad that she points stuff out to me, today it just felt like I was being picked at constantly.

Didn't help that Chris had complained about how much cheese I put in the ciabatta y*day, and told her to teach me how to do it properly. Jane complained to me about being made to tell me off all the time, and said she said she didn't like saying these things. That's fine. I honestly don't mind, and I'm glad someone tells me (though am a bit bemused by fact Chris never tells me off directly - even when he gets in in the morning he never chases up any of his complaints, just takes it for granted that Jane will have straightened me out). It did bug me today though, the way she kept going on about how bad it made her feel to say it. If you're going to say it, just say it!

Dragging it out like that, and then emphasising my mistake so much just made it feel like more of a deal than it was. At the end of the day it's only cheese, and my slices weren't thick enough. Fine. Tell me that, show me how they should be, and I'll do it that way next time. But spending 10 minutes apologising & repeating the problem over and over... I just didn't think it was necessary & it made me feel shittier than I already did this morning, having every single mistake pointed out.

I'll probably feel grateful for it next week when I'm working with Chris while Sandra's in hospital, and then again when Jane goes to Edinburgh with her family - hopefully I'll make less errors 'cause of Jane's corrections. But today just wasn't good.

Then Chris came in, and even though we were working really fast ('cause chicken delivery hadn't arrived yet, so we skipped those sandwiches and did the ciabattas early) he didn't say anything positive about it, and then he saw what I'd done with the rest of the bread and threw a hissy fit.

I felt like such an idiot when he did though - 'cause it was for a v.valid reason. I'd just piled all the bread up in one tray & shoved it in the backroom. So it had all squished up. :s

Chris' hissy wasn't even that bad really - he just kept saying "I can't believe it" & shaking his head, but with a disbelieving grin on his face too. Wasn't bad as I said, but did make me feel like a right berk.

Anyway, got those straightened out, then Chris went to make the deliveries. I went back to ciabatta-ing, and then Jane sort of leant down & peered 'round at me. I think she was checking to see if Chris had upset me, which he hadn't really, but the excessive number of mistakes I seemed to be making did just get me down.

I just wanted to finish & go home, so I think I went a bit uncommunicative. Just couldn't be arsed with it though. I have other, more important, things to think about right now, and I just need a mental break from there.

Still got another day to go though, and then I'm also working sunday but I get a lie-in so it shouldn't be too bad.

Tomorrow is going to be awful though - in terms of tiredness; hopefully I'll be chipper-er than I am now though, otherwise I won't make a v.good first impression at Starbucks!

I asked Chris if I could finish an hour early as long as I started work an hour early, and he said yes - he also said he might come in an hour early as well to do some computer stuff (normally he comes at 8, but he might be arriving 6-7 tomorrow if he wants to see me or anything). I kind of hope he doesn't though 'cause I'd rather just do my job, alone, then go home, shower & shift my focus & attitude so I'm ready for Starbucks.

~*~*~*~

Also y*day I had a go on my bike!

I got Dymph to come to the park with me & keep me company.

I got as far as sitting on the bike & pushing down on one peddle, but I couldn't get over my fear enough to get my other foot up & actually start a proper peddling rhythm. Still, I don't think I did too badly considering was scared of sitting on it with both feet on the ground to start with!

That took about 2 hours, then we came back to my house & I bought Dymph lunch as a thank-you. We ate that in Steph's room, with the outside door open, and just chatted. Was really nice, esp' considering all my human contact so far has been work recently, so this was chance to relax.

It did mean I only had an hour to do essay work in though, once Dymph left. Luckily I'd done a bit before she came over, so I got an all-right amount done y*day.

I meant to do more today, but was v.stressed out when I got home & then mum rang me (she's been trying to ring the past couple of days but I've been going to bed at the time she wants to ring...so today she tried before she left for work). Wasn't too bad a phone conversation, with regards the divorce anyway, but it still made me cry 'cause our neighbour passed away a week wednesday. She used to look after me & Katie a bit when we were little; like when school finished & we needed to be watched before mum & dad got home from work, so we used to call her Auntie Vera. Mum only just told me today & the funeral's on monday, so I can't make it, and it just upset me quite a bit.

So I basically haven't done anything productive since I've got home.

I'm going to sort out some forms I need to take to Starbucks with me tomorrow, then I'll see what time it is & try to do a bit of essay.

I need to eat lunch/dinner at 2pm the latest though, 'cause I have to be in bed by 4 if I'm going to get the amount of sleep I need to function alright tomorrow. :/

This has got to be the biggest downside to working the hours I am!

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Sarah

April 2008

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