skysha_tranqui: (X-Files Headdesk --> pic by spacemonkeym)
[personal profile] skysha_tranqui
I'm not sure how my dissertation's going right now. I still haven't done the essay plan for my supervisor yet. Instead I'm aiming to have gone through all the sections for my dissertation and done half of the work for all of them by the end of this week, then email her an essay plan, and then next week go through the essay again & complete each section, bearing in mind any feedback I get from her. (providing her feedback isn't that I need to abandon the idea!)

I doubt I'm doing enough work - I mean, c'mon, I haven't started writing yet today! - but I don't think I'm doing too badly. I've got 2 sections almost half done, and a bit of the introduction written.

At the moment I'm figuring on 4 pages per section, 2 per introduction/conclusion. That'll bulk up once I've done the 1.5 line spacing bit, but it should work out without at about 500 words/page.

So I've done about half a page of introduction, 2 1/2 pages section one, and 1 page of section two. I'm at just over 2,000 words so far.

Got another 3,000 words to go before I'm done for the week. So today I'm aiming for about 1,500 today.

I'm a bit stressed with other things than my dissertation though, which is making it harder to concentrate than normal ('cause normally I'm oh-so good at that! *snorts*). I think one of my uni friends has stopped being friends with me...and I'm not sure how that happened. :(

I'm talking about Justine, who I was really close with in 1st year, and while I saw less of her in 2nd year we were still close, and went to the gym together, and I was always at her house scrounging for food. But this last year I've barely seen her at all. I figured it was mostly due to her not doing any of the same modules as me, but when I did see her it felt awkward. Primarily 'cause I wanted to see her on my own so we could properly catch up, but I didn't want to hog her attention if we were in a group. And also she had Dymph living with her this year too. I love Dymph, but it became a case of if I invited Justine somewhere she'd automatically assume it was an invite for the both of them. :/

I did see her a few times; 1 meal out I arranged, a few lunches on campus with the group, Steph's b*day. But we didn't do our normal catch-up thing, and now she's ignoring my txts. :/

Don't quite know what to do - I think she's p'd off with me 'cause there were a few parties I backed out of (New Year's Eve, and a random slumber party last term). But I backed out of them 'cause they turned into Dymph's parties - love Dymph, but I don't like all her friends that much. They're quite cliquey, and they all belong to the same society at uni, so even though they're all really nice they all have tons of in-jokes and tend to exclude you even if they don't mean to. 'Cause they literally are Dymph's friends, and even if they're nice, they don't quite put in the same effort to have a conversation with you as they do with Dymph. Understandable, but not something I particular want to overly hang out with. And when it's a party like a slumber party, that can be either an intimate-friends-chill-out thing, or it can be a getting-to-know-everyone thing...but with that lot I know I'm close enough to them for the former, and I can't see them doing the latter.

Anyway, it probably came across as me not wanting to see Justine - but I'm not sure how to say "oh I want to see you, I just don't like seeing all Dymph's friends", without sounding like a total cow.

So there goes another friendship I've fucked up! I just don't deserve to have friends, I always act like a bitch somehow!

That's one of the stressors - I'm also beginning to feel really guilty about leaving uni so early. I'm going to have basically one week to see people in, and I'll be finishing off my dissertation/broke, and they'll have their own work, so it's not like I can do tons of goodbye-parties. And I'm also not planning on coming back for the graduation ball, which I'm dreading having to tell people 'cause I think they'll think I'm being a spoilsport.

I haven't really enjoyed the 2 balls I've been to in the past though, and while it would be nice to see everyone, it's just too expensive for that one goal.

*sigh* Enough with the worrying, and recriminations, I need to go start my work for the day.
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